I just watched the first part of the first episode of the new series of Skins, because I couldn't be bothered to get out of my chair, and to be quite frank it is the worst thing I have ever seen on television.
It almost feels like it's trying to be a spoof of it's former self; which in turn was a spoof of what REAL LIFE is like for the vast majority of people in their late teens.
For a start, I've been to that part of Bristol, it's the nice part just out from the city centre, full of grand old buildings, lovely boutique shops and crucially, the closest Fopp to my house.
Of all of the occasions I have walked up that street, NOT ONCE have I seen a seventeen year old smoking a spliff at an outdoor diner, whilst the remainder of the population of Bristol continue idly as if that's normal. (At this point the viewer is clearly thinking "OH MA DAYYZZZ, DRUGZ!! DAT IS SOO RANDOMZZ!! ROFFLE!!!1ONE")
To add to the sheer normality of the situation, HARRY ENFIELD has just had a car crash and is being a bit of a twat to an old lady. Harry Enfield's daughter then decides it best to stay in the car (which I remind you: HAS BEEN CRASHED) whilst staring at the annoyingly good looking, no-doubt lad-rock-loving (judging from his pretty cool trilby) twat whose skateboarding "antics" opened the show (he caused two car crashes in the first 30 seconds of the show. But then casual road accidents are the new happy-slapping...or something), the aforementioned idiot who is smoking a spliff and drinking lager at 8AM, and the obligatory geek character who is so overly geeky and seems to be able to relate everything to maths and science that he is painfully and blatantly supposed to be the character that everyone feels sorry for because he'll be the one who stays single throughout, but will eventually get laid by the girl he's been obsessed with all series at a wild party in a barn in the Somerset countryside, whilst Foals play in the background.
If you don't know what I'm on about, then you can watch the video here on youtube.
It almost feels like it's trying to be a spoof of it's former self; which in turn was a spoof of what REAL LIFE is like for the vast majority of people in their late teens.
For a start, I've been to that part of Bristol, it's the nice part just out from the city centre, full of grand old buildings, lovely boutique shops and crucially, the closest Fopp to my house.
Of all of the occasions I have walked up that street, NOT ONCE have I seen a seventeen year old smoking a spliff at an outdoor diner, whilst the remainder of the population of Bristol continue idly as if that's normal. (At this point the viewer is clearly thinking "OH MA DAYYZZZ, DRUGZ!! DAT IS SOO RANDOMZZ!! ROFFLE!!!1ONE")
To add to the sheer normality of the situation, HARRY ENFIELD has just had a car crash and is being a bit of a twat to an old lady. Harry Enfield's daughter then decides it best to stay in the car (which I remind you: HAS BEEN CRASHED) whilst staring at the annoyingly good looking, no-doubt lad-rock-loving (judging from his pretty cool trilby) twat whose skateboarding "antics" opened the show (he caused two car crashes in the first 30 seconds of the show. But then casual road accidents are the new happy-slapping...or something), the aforementioned idiot who is smoking a spliff and drinking lager at 8AM, and the obligatory geek character who is so overly geeky and seems to be able to relate everything to maths and science that he is painfully and blatantly supposed to be the character that everyone feels sorry for because he'll be the one who stays single throughout, but will eventually get laid by the girl he's been obsessed with all series at a wild party in a barn in the Somerset countryside, whilst Foals play in the background.
If you don't know what I'm on about, then you can watch the video here on youtube.
You may ask why I haven't embedded the video into this post: it's because Channel 4 have actually had "Embedding disabled by request". That's right. THEY KNOW IT'S CRAP! It's so crap that they're ashamed that they made it. It's like the ugly girl they've started seeing that they don't want to tell their mates about.
And just to rub salt into the wounds, they use The Lion and The Lamb by The Mae Shi on their adverts. Which almost makes me not want to like that song anymore, and has made me think twice about buying a "I'm Glad You're Alive" Tee-Shirt (although I will still probably buy one). Yes, you could argue about how sad it is that my mind is that fickle and filled with ridiculous notions of indie purism, and whilst I in no way resent The Mae Shi or Moshi-Moshi for trying to make a living, I do in fact believe that this allows you to understand just how truly filled with hatred for the notion of Skins that I am.
In essence, series three of Skins almost presents itself as Channel 4's attempt to be the sex awareness school councillor who addresses a year 11 class and actually uses the term "innit", in a bid to relate to the kids. It is the televisual equivalent of the cringeworthy attempts by any white, middle-aged, balding teacher to convey the topic of today's assembly through the medium of "a rap".
In short, it's just a patronising distortion of what real life is like for those in their late teens.
And they've further ruined Harry Enfield's once glittering career.
(Picture: Just a regular night out for the regular 18 year old in regular old South Gloucestershire. Blimey, I can't tell you how many nights out I've had where things have ended up exactly like that!)
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