I just watched the first part of the first episode of the new series of Skins, because I couldn't be bothered to get out of my chair, and to be quite frank it is the worst thing I have ever seen on television.

It almost feels like it's trying to be a spoof of it's former self; which in turn was a spoof of what REAL LIFE is like for the vast majority of people in their late teens.

For a start, I've been to that part of Bristol, it's the nice part just out from the city centre, full of grand old buildings, lovely boutique shops and crucially, the closest Fopp to my house.
Of all of the occasions I have walked up that street, NOT ONCE have I seen a seventeen year old smoking a spliff at an outdoor diner, whilst the remainder of the population of Bristol continue idly as if that's normal. (At this point the viewer is clearly thinking "OH MA DAYYZZZ, DRUGZ!! DAT IS SOO RANDOMZZ!! ROFFLE!!!1ONE")

To add to the sheer normality of the situation, HARRY ENFIELD has just had a car crash and is being a bit of a twat to an old lady. Harry Enfield's daughter then decides it best to stay in the car (which I remind you: HAS BEEN CRASHED) whilst staring at the annoyingly good looking, no-doubt lad-rock-loving (judging from his pretty cool trilby) twat whose skateboarding "antics" opened the show (he caused two car crashes in the first 30 seconds of the show. But then casual road accidents are the new happy-slapping...or something), the aforementioned idiot who is smoking a spliff and drinking lager at 8AM, and the obligatory geek character who is so overly geeky and seems to be able to relate everything to maths and science that he is painfully and blatantly supposed to be the character that everyone feels sorry for because he'll be the one who stays single throughout, but will eventually get laid by the girl he's been obsessed with all series at a wild party in a barn in the Somerset countryside, whilst Foals play in the background.

If you don't know what I'm on about, then you can watch the video here on youtube.

You may ask why I haven't embedded the video into this post: it's because Channel 4 have actually had "Embedding disabled by request". That's right. THEY KNOW IT'S CRAP! It's so crap that they're ashamed that they made it. It's like the ugly girl they've started seeing that they don't want to tell their mates about.

And just to rub salt into the wounds, they use The Lion and The Lamb by The Mae Shi on their adverts. Which almost makes me not want to like that song anymore, and has made me think twice about buying a "I'm Glad You're Alive" Tee-Shirt (although I will still probably buy one). Yes, you could argue about how sad it is that my mind is that fickle and filled with ridiculous notions of indie purism, and whilst I in no way resent The Mae Shi or Moshi-Moshi for trying to make a living, I do in fact believe that this allows you to understand just how truly filled with hatred for the notion of Skins that I am.

In essence, series three of Skins almost presents itself as Channel 4's attempt to be the sex awareness school councillor who addresses a year 11 class and actually uses the term "innit", in a bid to relate to the kids. It is the televisual equivalent of the cringeworthy attempts by any white, middle-aged, balding teacher to convey the topic of today's assembly through the medium of "a rap".

In short, it's just a patronising distortion of what real life is like for those in their late teens.

And they've further ruined Harry Enfield's once glittering career.

(Picture: Just a regular night out for the regular 18 year old in regular old South Gloucestershire. Blimey, I can't tell you how many nights out I've had where things have ended up exactly like that!)

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Oh well done Gareth, you've gone and taken so long to write your stupid Field Day review, that loads of stuff has happened since, including the WHOLE of the 2008 Beijing Olympics.
So rather than leaving this post in blogging limbo (A.K.A. the "drafts" folder), I'll finally get on with posting it. So, ladies and gentlemen, I finally present to you in all of it's entirety:

GARETH HARPER'S FIELD DAY 2008 REVIEW.

I've got to be completely honest:
I thought Field Day was distinctly average.
There, I said it. Not content with either falling in to the "Boohoo, queuing for toilets at festivals sucks, as such Field Day sucks, waaaah" group, nor the minority group that is the "YEAAAAAAH FIELD DAY WAS AWESOME" clan, I simply left Field Day with a great feeling of indifference.

Whilst it was definetely worth £28.50 to see The Mae-Shi, Les Savy Fav and Foals alone, that was exactly the problem; I would have gladly paid £28.50 to see The Mae-Shi, Les Savy Fav and Foals alone, and then gone home.

To be fair, Field Day was evidently designed to be a day festival where the sun was the main event, but seeing as the sun had to cancel...and let's be honest it is the Amy Winehouse/Pete Doherty of the meteorological world, in that even if you think it's going to turn up, it will probably pull out at the last moment...it does beg the question "Why, oh why, would you design a festival in England based on the concept that the sun is actually going to turn up?"

So whilst this whole "village fete" theme seemed to completely pass me by, I harmlessly ambled on through the rain accompanied by friends and girlfriend, to see the following bands:

Magistrates - I don't want to like you, but you're just sooooooooo catchy. Stop it. Stop it now, otherwise I'll have to change my views.

Filthy Dukes - Stick to the DJing (stands for "Day Job"ing). You were just a bit cack, regardless of the fact that you know a rapper.

Laura Marling - Your keyboard player may have been stuck on the M25, and you may have been stuck on the most inappropriately sized stage for your overwhelmingly beautiful, charmingly delicate vocals to float across, but you still managed to make me feel incredibly glad that I stood between some ridiculously tall girls with umbrellas and some ridiculously angry men who hate ridiculously tall girls with umbrellas to watch you.

Lightspeed Champion - Dev, what the hell is wrong with you? I love you, but today you sounded like a bad tribute act of your own songs. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, because when I saw you in Exeter, it was mindblowingly ace, but today you were just a tad rubbish.

The Mae Shi - Most Valuable Players.

Wild Beasts - Most Improved Players.

Les Savy Fav - All I ever imagined them to be, and more, but I would love to see them in the dry. Minus umbrellas getting in my way.

Foals - A tad self indulgent, but they're allowed to be self indulgent; they're Foals. Brilliant though. Absolutely ace. Mathletics for an encore was the really amazingly tasty cherry on top of the distinctly average cake.

I probably saw some other bands as well, but I've forgotten about them now, because it all happened SO LONG AGO.

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The third and last festival of my festival season has come to a close so I thought I'd attempt a review, but in the safety of my own blog rather then the cruel world of forums. So after a night out in Coventry (we had an extremely late gig there yesterday) and the resulting 3 hours sleep the opportunity to hop on a bus to London at 8 in the morning wasn't particularly tempting. However the pack lunch I'd prepared and the 3 different types of yogurt I vowed to consume on the journey made this opportunity a reality.

After 40 winks on the coach we arrived in London, greeted with the usual excitement that comes with travelling to the capital. This excitement only grew upon seeing shops on the way to the tube that we also have in Gloucester. It's hard to mask your delight at seeing that one of the world's biggest cities does indeed have something in common with one of the smallest. After getting the tube to Mile End, it was a pretty easy task to find the event, follow the people dressed similarly to you and the calls of struggling ticket touts.

Just before arriving I heard what I thought to be a preaching weatherman, warning of the incoming clouds. As it turned out he was just selling waterproof poncho's, but I wasn't taking any chances. We were then bombarded with enough free juice drinks to hydrate the workforce of Ribena, which kept us thirst-free for the whole day. First band we caught were Magistrates, saw them at Latitude and more of the same NME-hyped high pitched pop orientated Indie. They were followed by Filthy Dukes, who didn't look anything like what I'd imagine dirty members of the nobility to look like.

After a long wait, White Lies provided something to cheer about, their sound as tight as ever, although the demands of touring were apparent as their lead singer's voice seemed weaker then usual. The Mae Shi were one of the picks of the day, their set of songs lasting no more then 2 minutes, had the crowd at it's most animated. Then I had my first glimpse of the queues for the toilets which hadnt been addressed from last year. I was afraid if I drank anymore and needed the toilet I would explode at some stage in the queue so I thought it best not to drink.

Laura Marling and Lightspeed Champion's sets were ok but the poor sound on the main stage did little to help them. Les Savy Fav (the soul reason I got the tickets) sounded better on the main stage, but I was only left to imagine what they would of been like had it not been hammering down and the crowd been more into it. The volume of umbrella's (something that comes with a day festival in England) made it close to impossible for me to see much of their set. Finally Foals some what saved the day with their 50 minute set, they were much sharper then their fatigued selves at Latitude and to top it off they played Mathletics for the Encore. This and the chant we'd manage to start prior to Foals coming on stage we're 2 highlights!

So all in all it was ok festival, shame Mystery Jets cancelled but in the rain and with the poor sound quality I doubt it would have lifted the spirits of the discontented crowd all that much. Would of liked to have caught Jeffrey Lewis, Wild Beasts and Noah and the Whale but The Mae Shi, Les Savy Fav, Foals and my friends made the early trip down to a damp field in the Capital more then worth while!

The Mae Shi - PWND

(Buy)

The Mae Shi's Myspace

Lightspeed Champion - Everyone I Know Is Listening To Crunk

(Buy)

Lightspeed Champion's Myspace

Pip Pip,
Christian.

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